Husband Bashing

Are you a husband basher? How you speak about your husband to other people either in front of him or behind is back can truly be a marriage killer.

I love and respect my husband, I really, really do. I really never thought of myself as a husband basher, but a couple of years ago it was as if I heard myself on a recorder replaying what I was saying. And honestly, if my husband said some of the things I said about him to other people I would be TICKED off.

I didn't say horrible things, mind you. But I said things that over time could slowly break down our marriage.

Let me give you an example: When in a group of people, a friend might say that her husband built their kids a playhouse and my response would be, "My husband wouldn't stop watching TV long enough to do that for our kids." And, of course, I'd laugh. That may have just been said to my friend or it may have even been said in front of my husband to my friend. 

For years I thought if I told my husband all the things my friends' husbands did then that would make him feel bad and want to do it too. OR, if I said things about him that he doesn't do, in front him to other people, maybe it would force encourage him to do those things.

Did any of that ever work? Not for me. Do you know what it did do? It made me focus on the negative. My poor husband could never live up to my expectations that way. Matter of fact, he always did the opposite of what I wanted him to do. Why? Because he resented it deep down and he rebelled against it. I don't blame him. I'd have done the same.

So what happened that made me change the way I talked about my husband in front of him and to my friends? All it took was to be around couples who are constantly cutting their spouse down to their friends and worse, in front of their own husbands. It's ugly, ladies. REALLY UGLY.

Once I realized this and I started doing my best to lift my husband up, instead of cutting him down, our marriage got better. I was happier with him and us as a couple. And do you know what? It feels good to speak kindly about him to people. I'm actually very proud of my husband and even like hanging out with him. I feel like I'm the lucky one to have him instead of treating him like he was lucky to have ME. By not cutting him down all the time, I noticed him doing more things I'd wanted him to do all along. He was just tired of hearing me harp about every. little. thing.

Does this mean we are never allowed to vent about our husband's short-comings? No, I don't think so. I do think it's important to share with someone that can be a positive encourager. I also think you should think about what your motivation is for doing it. There are definitely times when something can be said in a loving, joking manner. But if you know your husband isn't going to find it funny or you know it will hurt him deep down, DON'T do it!

I still catch myself falling back into old behaviors sometimes, I'm a work in progress, people! I just know our marriage is better because of my choice to see him and speak about him in a positive manner.

Do you do any of what I've mentioned? How do you feel about what I've said?
If you are a husband basher then I'd like to encourage you to TRY really hard for one week to speak only kind things about your husband to other people and even in front of him to other people. I bet you'll see a difference in how you feel about him. And I KNOW there will be a difference in how he feels about YOU!

 

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen."

Ephesians 4:29

Mrs. Albright

School Bus Stop Victory

I am not a complainer. No really, I don't think I am. There are some women that jump on a soap box about every little issue that comes along, right or wrong, just to have something going on at all times. However, when it comes to my children and their safety, I do jump on my bandwagons! My latest bandwagon- the school bus stop. This time I wasn't alone in my concerns!

Public Schools and Budget Cuts, that is all we hear about! Last year, when my son was beginning 3rd grade, we received a letter in the mail that explained that do to fuel prices the buses would no longer come into the neighborhoods to pick up the children but would pick them up at the end of our street, which is a major busy street- 209th. My son was assigned to this bus stop. I wasn't a happy Moma. I made a few phone calls and soon learned that for some reason since there was a daycare at the end of my street at the "old" bus stop that the bus would still be stopping there. He was able to change stops with no problem. So I just let it go for the 2009-2010 school year. I guess someone else had jumped on the bandwagon for our kids!

So, here we are for the 2010-2011 school year and guess what once again we are faced with the same problem only this time, a year later more traffic due to more growth in the area! I cannot even begin to tell you the incidents we, 4 other parents and myself, have called in to the Wagoner County Sheriff, Principal of School and Transportation Department regarding the safety of our children during these 14 days since school has been in session. Cars passing the bus illegally almost causing head on collisions, a man walking by holding his pants up with his hands, speeding cars and no sidewalks for the kids at the bus stops to stand on, so they are forced to stand on the road while cars turn off of the busy street onto the residential street. These are only a few.  I even have a clip of a video, which was supposed to have been a picture taken of the kids getting on the bus showing a car at a stop sign while the children were loading. My friend's and my thoughts were what if it were icy or raining, what if the car had skidded into our babies and t-boned the bus? Why can't we get these stops off of this major travelled road, especially if there is a residential street that goes through one street over? How many incidents and phone calls is it going to take?

Personally from me it took four phone calls, leaving messages for three and finally getting to talk to the Routing Director after I said politely that maybe the news wanted to see my video, from my friend Lynn it took two, two neighbor's down the street one and another neighbor a threat to the news and one phone call to the principal. One response received, "Well, your children are getting older now!"- our kids range in ages of 6-10!  I am happy to report that the note came home on August 30th and effective September 1, 2010 my son's and friend's childrens new bus stop will be at a safer location. I know that many schools do not even offer transportation to and from schools, so I do count my blessings.  I am still disappointed that there are still stops on 209th because I just don't feel that it is safe, but I am thankful that I got my BUS STOP VICTORY for this year... Thank you Route #30!

♥Mrs. Hart♥

*Disclosure: The name of the school was left out of this article due to a sudden sensitivity that it is receiving in the headlines. I am sure those of you who know the author can figure it out quickly, and those of who don't know this housewife can just probably point to any school and say a prayer!

Wordless Wednesday (Sort of): The Center of the Universe

The Center of the Universe

Tulsa, OK

The Center of the Universe is located on the Boston Avenue Pedestrian Bridge between Archer and 1st Street in Tulsa, Oklahoma.  When you stand in the center of the circle you can hear your own echo, but no one else outside of the circle can hear it.  Behind the circle is a statue called Artificial Cloud by Robert Haozous.  On the statue are two big knockers.  There is a local legend that if you knock one of the knockers and make a wish, your wish will come true.  Perhaps in a few years I'll have to ask the two girls pictured if any of their wishes from their multiple knockings have indeed come true.

~~Mrs. McGillicutty

For more Wordless Wednesday posts visit Five Minutes for Mom.

She's Crafty

When we started talking about collaborating on a blog, I made it very clear that I don't do crafts.  I also told the housewives I wouldn't be writing about crafts.  Never say never, folks.  This blog post, my friends, is going down in the history books.  Not only did Mrs. Priss create a craft project with her boys but now she is blogging about it.  It is not likely you will see this again.

One reason I'm called Mrs. Priss is that I don't like messy stuff.  You know who really likes messy stuff?  My 6 year old.  He is a constant creator.  In the past few years I have scrubbed many of his creations from my walls.  I've repainted walls over crayon and colored pencils.  His bunk beds have his name and doodles in marker for all to see.  The world is his canvas.

The walls in my boys' rooms were really looking blah.  Their rooms were just so boring without posters and pictures.  If I had a daughter, there would be some great options.  With boys, it's a whole different game.  I've looked at artwork and posters and come up with nothing. Nada. Zilch.  None of it was stuff that would interest my boys.  Everything is either too babyish or just doesn't fit my boys' personalities.  Since my boys aren't sporty, the million posters of footballs I saw were useless.  And there is absolutely no way I am buying Pokemon posters for their walls.  The madness has to stop somewhere.

I've been thinking on this dilemma for a couple of years now and maybe you've had the same issue?  Probably not, but I'm going to tell you what I did anyway cause it's my day to post and this is what you get.

Mr. Messy loves to do art.  He loves to paint.
Then it occurred to me - why not use his own artwork for his own walls?

I stuck Jacob in the garage with an apron, a small table, some paint supplies and a few big blank canvases from Hobby Lobby.  Like everything else at Hobby Lobby, they are often half-priced.

With the help of a box fan and a couple of Labradoodles, he went to work.

Certain boys who aren't in to arts & crafts can't seem to resist the fun of paint and canvas combos.
Michael doesn't usually do art but he knows a fun project when he sees one.  While Jacob's art is more abstract in nature, Michael's art is more specific.  Jacob was having so much fun that he made three, but Michael squeezed all he wanted in to one small canvas.

Jacob's wall

Michael's Wall 

And now, they have something to show off.  Their own art on their very own walls.  Nice, huh?

Jacob wanted me to be sure and show you the island he created.  Don't ask, just ponder.

If you and your kids try painting your own wall art, I want to see your pictures.  Have fun!

The amazingly creative and uber-talented...
~ Mrs. Priss

Artistic Muse & (of course)

MckLinky Monday: Has Your Routine Changed?

By now most everyone has sent their precious little darlings back to school.

What's that? Why yes. Yes, I do believe that is a collective sigh of relief from Mommy-dom. The children are back in school! (Pardon me while I do a happy dance)

I'm a full-time stay-at-home mom, however, nine months out of the year I babysit my cousin's toddler.
Because she's a teacher, I get a summer vacation, too. From mid-May until early August I frankly don't do a whole lot. My house is cleaner but that's simply because the kids and I magically turn into sloths when school is out and well, when you exert virtually no energy whatsoever you hardly mess up the house.We watch a lot of Phineas and Ferb and read a lot of books, utilize Netflix to its utmost capabilities trying to catch up on all the movies we miss during the school year and yes, I'll admit it: I sleep a lot. I mean, a lot a lot. I do like me some sleep.

My whole world turns upside down when we got from school to summer and back again.

*During the school year I get up at 5am every day of the week. (Yes, I'm fully aware of the crazy in that last sentence) During the summer I rarely get up before 8. Sometimes 9. And the occasional 10.

*During the school year I go to bed as soon as our oldest child goes to bed. Sometimes that's 9:30, sometimes 10. (When I have PMS I go to bed at 6pm with a chocolate bar in each hand.) During the summer it's nothing for me to stay up until 2am piddling around in my office, watching TV or reading.

*During the school year I fix a nutritious toddler breakfast, a nutritious toddler lunch and a meal for the family virtually every night of the week. During the summer the children survive on PopTarts, Cocoa Puffs and PB&J. We cool our 1900 sq. ft. house with one window air conditioner so cooking is, more often than not, out of the question. We eat an exorbitant amount of sandwiches in the summer. We usually only eat sandwiches on Sunday evenings during the school year.

*During the summer the kitchen stays so clean it's disgusting. During the school year my kitchen stays so cluttered it's disgusting. Not dirty, just used.

*During the summer I only wash one kind of socks - the kind my husband wears. The kids and I wear only flipflops because I'm pretty sure it's a law somewhere that it's illegal to wear anything but flipflops in the summer, right? During the school year I wash so many socks my head spins.

*During the summer I do very little laundry because heck, when you stay in your pajamas all day you don't dirty a lot of clothes. During the school year I swear someone sprinkles Miracle Gro on my hampers during the night.

*During the summer errands are run in the late afternoon and sometimes even after 9pm. During the school year it's nothing at all for me to leave the house by 7:30 to do my running and be back home before lunchtime. This means that during the school year I shop with the elderly. This is a quiet experience, smiling at people as we pass each other in the aisles, them commenting on how cute the toddler is, commenting on the weather. During the summer I shop with the other moms and their children. This means Walmart is noisy and tense and unenjoyable and the only words spoken are threats to our children and pleas to the other mothers to take our children with them so we can find our minds that we lost about four aisles back.

*During the summer I like to take naps occasionally. During the school year....okay, really nothing changes there.

So, I'm curious, ladies and gents -

Now that school has started, whether your kids go out to school or you homeschool, has your daily routine changed much?

Here's how it works:

1. Answer the question on your blog (or in the comments sections if you don't have a blog).

2. If you answer the question on your blog, add your name to MckLinky so that we all can discover the brilliance that is your mind.

3. Grab our button from the sidebar and post it either in your reply post or on your blog.

4. Enjoy and have some fun!




~~Mrs. Nesbitt