Monday

MckLinky Monday: Newlyweds

If you are married (or have ever been) then you qualify for this post.  If you have never been married then feel free to laugh at the rest of us.  Newlyweds are funny.

Today I want you to share your funny Newlywed stories - preferably your mistakes.  What mistakes did you make in your first year of marriage?  Or, if you are perfect like Mrs. Priss then tell on your spouse.
Ok, ok - so I wasn't perfect.  Our first year of marriage was not easy.  My Prince Charming and I discovered we weren't so charming after all.  We could barely pay our bills but that wasn't our biggest problem.  Our biggest problem was that we were both so scared to give an inch because we thought it would carry us through for the rest of our married lives.  We were right, you know.

It took the whole first year of marriage to discover that I was having anger issues because my body didn't agree with birth control pills.  That was fun.  We can still look at each other and swear we will never try that again.

To pay the bills, I took a job as a pediatric dental assistant.  I worked hard on my feet all day just to be treated like dirt and make almost no money.  Everyone should have a job like that just once in their lives.  Humility can do a lot for your character.

Enough about me - let's rat out Prince Charming.  The Prince made three key mistakes our first two months of marriage that we still talk about today.  Usually we laugh when we tell it.  If we couldn't laugh about it now, we wouldn't still be married.

For all my unhappiness in my job and with the screwed up hormones, I still tried to be the perfect wife I was raised to be.  You know what I mean?  I'm talking about cooking all of the meals, cleaning everything myself, doing everything that needed to be done.  The Prince just had to come home and prop his feet up to watch TV.  Seriously.  After a while, a housewife learns to resent these things.

The dream would have lasted longer for the Prince if he had been paying attention.

A few weeks into his school year the Prince came home and slammed his stuff on our kitchen table and announced, "Next time - why don't you put some meat on my sandwich."  It just so happens that this Priss had been making his lunch for school every day.  On this particular day, I had even used the last of the sandwich meat for the Prince and made myself a peanut butter sandwich instead.  Being raised with only girls didn't do much to train me that men require at least a 1/2 pound of meat on their sandwich to call it lunch.  Who knew? 

Let's just say that the Prince started making his own lunch after that day.

He was on a roll, too.  Later that week when I was planning the menu (I know, I know - who does that?) for the next week I decided to go through options with my man.  I was so excited about my new cookbooks and my new cookware.  I couldn't wait to use it all.  I'm sure Mrs. McGillicutty felt the same way. 

I asked my Prince if he would like to try this or that.  The Prince looked at me and said he just wanted McDonald's.  For this Martha Stewart wanna-be, this was a stab to the heart with a twist at the end.  He preferred McDonald's to my cooking?

I have since figured out that the Prince has a need for junk food or even just eating out regularly.  I now rejoice in these breaks from my kitchen.

I saved the best for last.  I hope you are still reading.

Like I said before, I did all of the cleaning.  After 6 weeks and a couple of kitchen insults I was starting to change my attitude about being a wife.  I was starting to realize I didn't want to be a slave the rest of my life and that precedents were being set.  I was also starting to realize just how stinky boys can be.  I had already moved to the guest bathroom to get away from the stench.  Resentment can be empowering, but to me the smell was all of the motivation I needed.

At this point I announced that I would no longer be cleaning the Prince's bathroom. The Prince told me, "But you love cleaning toilets!  You do it all the time."

I have explained repeatedly that no one in this universe actually enjoys scrubbing potties.  Who wants to have their face near excrement?  To this day he still stands by his declaration.  He is fully aware of the stupidity that comes with those words, yet he still stands by them.

He now pays for a housecleaner to scrub toilets.

This is quite possibly the reason we are still together.

That's all I have to say about that.

What funny lessons did you learn
in your first year of marriage?
Link up and share your story with the Housewives.


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*Mrs. Priss*

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