The Best of the Best - Real Housewives of New Jersey

I have discovered that if you read this post with a thick New Jersey accent it seems to really add something.  Go on.  I know you want to try it.

Kim Kardashian hosts vodka launch party in New York
If I had to pick a favorite Real Housewives show, I have to say it wouldn't be all that hard.  The Real Housewives of New Jersey would win hands down.  Last season we got such delicious phrases as "prostitution whore,""thick as thieves," and "bubbies."  And after watching this week's show, I don't think the ladies are going to disappoint this season as well.

First we had crazy Danielle, also know as "prostitution whore" going around town complaining to anybody who would listen including a priest about the wrongs that were done to her.  Of course in her words, "It's all wata unda da bridge."  She also said something about being not "passive" or "aggressive" and not getting "pooped on any more," but that's where I got confused as she keeps trying to invite these women who obviously hate her out socially.

But I have to say the star of all that is great about The Real Housewives of New Jersey this week was in fact Teresa Giudice.   First she showed us the tradition she has of making her sauce for the year in her garage.  This year she invited some friends to help, none of whom were on their periods as being on your period causes the tomatoes to go bad.  Also there was her family including her daughter who at some point announced that she "didn't want to marry a jew."  I don't think her daughter has to worry about that though as looking at her crazy mother, Teresa, I don't think the Jews will want her.

Bravo's The Real Housewives Of New Jersey Season Two Premiere
But perhaps the best scenes from Teresa came when she was discussing Danielle the "prostitution whore."

(Here is where you're Jersey accent kicking in really does this post justice.)

"She must have slept with at least 500 guys.  Her hole must be as big as...not the Lincoln Tunnel, not the Holland Tunnel....What's the longest tunnel?"

Of course Caroline Manzo tried to compete with her by issuing her own Danielle cut down, "You put lipstick on a pig, it's still a pig."  But haven't we all heard that phrase before?  That's not original.

You just can't compete with Teresa's originality, "Danielle.  You put the c*nt in c*ntradiction.  Be-atch!"

Wow Teresa.

You kiss those four babies of yours with that mouth?  Nice.

Oh yeah.  The Real Housewives of New Jersey.  Even the Real Housewives of Oklahoma can't compete with all of that crazy.  It's going to be a good season.

~~Mrs. McGillicutty

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