If you haven't seen a picture of me you will need to know that I actually define the phrase "pasty white." My photo should be in the urban dictionary next to that phrase. My skin is so white it is almost translucent. For years I have been called such cute nicknames as "Whitey" or "Albino" or my personal favorite - "Caspar."
I have to say that although I would love to be naturally tan, I really don't care that my skin is so light. I'm comfortable in my pasty, white skin. It's not worth the skin cancer risks to me.
My pasty, white girlfriend Leslie decided we should change that for our Vegas trip. She told me she was getting a spray tan and that I would be too. After hearing my orders to spray on the color, I started making calls.
I called several places on a Sunday afternoon but only one is worth telling you about. I was so excited that there was a tanning place a mile from my house. How convenient! I called and talked to a friendly gal who explained that they have a guy who will give me an airbrush tan.
It has been my understanding that when people get an airbrush tan they are standing in front of someone in their birthday suit. They don't call me the Priss for nothing around here - I was having a hard time picturing me standing around naked while some chick painted a tan on all of my parts. Somehow I couldn't believe what I heard.
The only word in her sentence I heard from her was "guy." I asked this cute, young thing, "So... um... what would one wear for an airbrush tan?"
She giggled at me and said, "Most people don't wear anything. You could wear your bathing suit, I guess."
Maybe she didn't understand my point so I said, "But it's a guy who is airbrushing a girl. Naked."
She laughs a little harder and tells me, "No one has ever been weirded out by this before. He's not pervy or anything."
Seriously. Not pervy?
This is not L.A. - this is Oklahoma.
While he may not be acting pervy, unless he is gay he is looking at naked women's bodies all day long and he is liking it. As a married woman and a mom of boys I have learned something about the opposite sex. I can guarantee you that he is painting away with throbbing loins looking at all of the girly parts.
I only have one thing to say to this chick before I cross this place off my list.
"I'll bet he loves his job."
When I hang up the phone, I tell Prince Charming about the guy who does airbrushing for a living.
The Prince thinks he is going to quit his job and start a new business.
I promise - it won't be pervy at all.