The clumsy new intern, his hands full with a flimsy cardboard carrier full of frappuccinos and mocha lattes, comes rushing into the room and trips over his own feet. Icy caffeinated beverage is mixed in mid-air with steaming hot caffeinated beverage and then everyone in the room wails a resounding NOOOOOOOOOO as they see it all splash onto the control board.
There's a sizzling, zapping noise and suddenly everything goes dark. There is a moment of stunned silence before the backup power supply kicks in and when the monitors begin to fire up again something is terribly, horribly wrong.
Mommies and daddies are doing each other's jobs!
Suddenly daddies are donning aprons and wearing fluffy pink slippers and sponge curlers in their hair as they burn the morning toast while mommies come strolling into the kitchen, freshly shaved, the morning paper under one arm, briefcase in hand, ready to head off to work at the office......
Oh man. I think I just had a nightmare in the form on a 1960's Twilight Zone episode.
But let's stop for a minute and really think about what would happen if suddenly roles were switched and I had to head out to work in the morning while my husband stayed here with the kids......for one thing the panic attacks alone would probably get me fired on day one, but we'll go with the scenario for fun's sake....
Right now school is out and summer is in full swing, so I'm not babysitting my cousin's toddler. This means I don't have to get up at 5 like I do during the school year. My husband would take full advantage of this sleeping-in opportunity and probably not get up until 10 or so. This would mean I would spend every break at my (his) job calling his cell phone to wake him up or calling our oldest daughter's cell phone to make sure her siblings hadn't stabbed each other with buttery knives while making waffles or hadn't blown the speakers out on the TV from blaring iCarly at outrageous decibels.
I guarantee you every piece of laundry we own would be "accidentally" dyed pink from that universal culprit, the red sock in the load of whites. That is, IF any laundry got done.
Lunch for the kids would be waffles again. Or cookies. I know this would be true because just this morning the man gave our children cookies on the way to church because that's what he was having for breakfast so why couldn't they? After this occured I also loudly declared that I can never die - at least not while our children need food other than cookies in their growing little bodies.
There would also be a mandatory naptime. Probably in excess of two hours. Our kids are 8, 11 and 13. This will not go over well.
The dishwasher would be loaded all wrong. Tupperware would go on the bottom rack, inevitably.
I, however, would be sitting pretty in my atrocious green uniform shirt in the vault at the casino, counting money and visiting with all my friends about golfing that night. I would take breaks every couple hours AND I would drive to and from work ALL ALONE in my car. In the quiet. And did I mention alone? Oh and while I would take a restroom break at work during the day no one would holler at me from outside the door to tell me someone was breathing at her.
When I got home I would find a delicious dinner of waffles awaiting me while our unbathed children fought over who watched more TV that day, all while my darling stay-at-home husband massaged his temples and wished they would all just be quiet for about 20 minutes so he could just think a thought all his own.
And then....I, being the dutiful provider for our family, would head out to the lawnmower where I would spend the next two hours mowing our gigantic yard in the 100* Oklahoma heat. And did he just mention something about the van needing an oil change?
You know what? Uhm.....peeing without someone yelling through the door is seriously overrated. So is golf with my boys--did I mention the Oklaheat? I think I'm pretty happy right here. In the air conditioning. Doing laundry. Making waffles. And blogging.
So now it's your turn: Let's pretend mommies and daddies switched places for a day or two. How do you think everyone would fare in their new position? Would it go well? Would it be a disaster?
Tell us what you think would happen! Here's how to do it the RHOK way:
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4. Enjoy and have some fun!