Thursday

Oklahoma, Ok-law-hokey

Here in Oklahoma we have some pretty absurd laws. I mean I've been asked MORE than once if I live in a convent when I try to explain that 'you cain't buy yoself no wine or whiskey on Sundee 'round these here parts.' The law? Yes. Hokey? Oh, yes! See my point?!?


Therefore, I thought I'd shed light on some other extremely odd laws around here. I may even be guilty of breaking some, but they'll never be able to prove it. I watch way too much crime T.V. for that.

But, for starters, how about this one:

     21-1700

     A. It is unlawful any person to:

     1. Promote, engage in, or be employed at a bear wrestling exhibition or horse tripping event;
     (Dang you Ricky Joe! Don't be payin' me your rent with your bear wrasslin' money!)

     2. Receive money for the admission of another person to any place where bear wrestling or
     horse tripping will occur;

     3. Sell, purchase, possess, or offer a horse for any horse tripping event;

     4. Sell, purchase, possess, or train a bear for any bear wrestling exhibition;

     5. Subject a bear to alterations (like bringing in a seamstress?) in any form for purposes of bear
     wrestling including, but not limited to, removal of claws or teeth, or severing tendons; or
     (Oh! So not a seamstress)

     6. Give any substance to a bear, inject any substance into a bear, or cause a bear to ingest or
     inhale any substance for the purposes of bear wrestling. (What? You mean ya can't 'roid him up
     first? C'mon! Where's the fun in that?)

OK, so you got that? Absolutely NO horse tripping or bear wrestling. At All. Try to control yourselves people!

And then, brace yourself for what's next:

     Females are forbidden from doing their own hair without being licensed by the state.
     (Whadd'ya mean officer? I certainly do NOT do my own hair. You see, my husband, Jimmy
     John, does a wicked wash & set.)

Also, not only will the state not tolerate taking a bite out of anothers' hamburger or walking backwards downtown while eating a hamburger in OKC, I'm not really sure how to process this next one:

     It is illegal to have the hind legs of farm animals in your boots. (Sue Ellen! Get that goat
     out of your ropers! I'm fixin' to call the sheriff out here!)

(Oh, my heavens. The search for an image of a goat in boots lead me to some very strange and frightening things. These for instance. Ahhhhh! Hold me.)

Moving on...how about a list of things you may be able to use in your favor? *Ahem*

     No one may spit on a sidewalk. (Now you're set with a reason when your boy asks why he can't
     spit! It's Illegal!!)

     It is illegal to wear your boots to bed. (Just think of all the arguments this one has saved!)

     It is illegal to have sex before you are married. (See explanation of "No one may spit on a
     sidewalk")

     Fish may not be contained in fishbowls while on a public bus. (Well, heavens to Betsy. Isn't
     that common sense?)

     Tissues are not to be found in the back of one's car. (This one is for your safety, as the force of
     the corner of a tissue box travelling forward from a back window in an accident, can sever your
     spinal cord. No, I don't know the actual chances of this happening, but that's beside the point.)


     People who make "ugly faces" at dogs may be fined and/or jailed. (Save all your ugly faces
     for babies and the elderly instead.)

     Cars must be tethered outside of public buildings. (Won't this cut down on theft? Why haven't
     we been enforcing this one?! Genius!)

     Oral sex is a misdemeanor and is punishable by one year in jail and a $2,500 fine. (All you on
     this one, all you.)

While all those above are state laws, our cities can add in their own versions of hokey. Here are some of my personal favorites:

In Ada, if you wear New York Jets clothing, you may be put in jail. (What's Ada got against the Jets?)

In Bartlesville, it is illegal to cause "annoying vibrations" in the city limits. (Keep that in mind if you need to start up your earthquake machine. You'll have to head to cousin Earl's place out west of town.)

In Hawthrone, it is unlawful to put any hypnotized person in a display window. (Dammit! My spring fashion window idea is ruined! Ruined, I tell you!)

In Tulsa, you may not open a soda bottle without the supervision of a licensed engineer. (Where does one go to obtain a bottle opening engineer degree?)

Also, elephants are not to be taken into the downtown area. (Elephants! So, that's what wrecked havoc on all the streets! I should have known.)

In Shulter, women may not gamble in the nude, in lingerie, or while wearing a towel. (Shulter is so not the place for Mrs. Robinson to live!)

I wish I could say that was all. But, alas, there is just a lot more hokey out there. I am merely sharing my favorites. As we all know, you can't fix stupid. If we could, there be a lot less politicians - and hokey might just resolve itself! And, Mrs. Robinson might just keep husband #7.

Oooooooooook-law-hokey, where you can't buy liquor on a Sunday. You can't buy liquor cold. You can't buy liquor after 9pm. But, apparently, you can ride a bus with an empty fishbowl. Just remember to call the sheriff if the elephants are out downtown taking bites of others' hamburgers. Because, that's just not right!


It's Almost the Weekend!
Mrs. Sinclair

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