Are you a husband basher? How you speak about your husband to other people either in front of him or behind is back can truly be a marriage killer.
I love and respect my husband, I really, really do. I really never thought of myself as a husband basher, but a couple of years ago it was as if I heard myself on a recorder replaying what I was saying. And honestly, if my husband said some of the things I said about him to other people I would be TICKED off.
I didn't say horrible things, mind you. But I said things that over time could slowly break down our marriage.
Let me give you an example: When in a group of people, a friend might say that her husband built their kids a playhouse and my response would be, "My husband wouldn't stop watching TV long enough to do that for our kids." And, of course, I'd laugh. That may have just been said to my friend or it may have even been said in front of my husband to my friend.
For years I thought if I told my husband all the things my friends' husbands did then that would make him feel bad and want to do it too. OR, if I said things about him that he doesn't do, in front him to other people, maybe it would
Did any of that ever work? Not for me. Do you know what it did do? It made me focus on the negative. My poor husband could never live up to my expectations that way. Matter of fact, he always did the opposite of what I wanted him to do. Why? Because he resented it deep down and he rebelled against it. I don't blame him. I'd have done the same.
So what happened that made me change the way I talked about my husband in front of him and to my friends? All it took was to be around couples who are constantly cutting their spouse down to their friends and worse, in front of their own husbands. It's ugly, ladies. REALLY UGLY.
Once I realized this and I started doing my best to lift my husband up, instead of cutting him down, our marriage got better. I was happier with him and us as a couple. And do you know what? It feels good to speak kindly about him to people. I'm actually very proud of my husband and even like hanging out with him. I feel like I'm the lucky one to have him instead of treating him like he was lucky to have ME. By not cutting him down all the time, I noticed him doing more things I'd wanted him to do all along. He was just tired of hearing me harp about every. little. thing.
Does this mean we are never allowed to vent about our husband's short-comings? No, I don't think so. I do think it's important to share with someone that can be a positive encourager. I also think you should think about what your motivation is for doing it. There are definitely times when something can be said in a loving, joking manner. But if you know your husband isn't going to find it funny or you know it will hurt him deep down, DON'T do it!
I still catch myself falling back into old behaviors sometimes, I'm a work in progress, people! I just know our marriage is better because of my choice to see him and speak about him in a positive manner.
Do you do any of what I've mentioned? How do you feel about what I've said?
If you are a husband basher then I'd like to encourage you to TRY really hard for one week to speak only kind things about your husband to other people and even in front of him to other people. I bet you'll see a difference in how you feel about him. And I KNOW there will be a difference in how he feels about YOU!
"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen."