Tuesday

My night at a strip club(or 2)

Happy Tuesday RHOK'ers! I am one of the new housewives in the neighborhood and wanted to take a minute to say Hi and introduce myself. I have been married 2 times(am I the only Dee-vor-say in the group?), my first marriage gave me 2 beautiful children, Abby(17) and Reese(15). Then I met and fell in love with the man I plan to torment spend the rest of my life with, Eric. We have been married for over 13 years and we have a daughter, Jessica, who is 13 (yes yes do the math, in MY defense I found out I was preggers on my wedding day which ironically is Feb 14th-I know, so cliche') BUT I am so much more than a mom...at least that's what I tell myself... I have been an off and on or is on and off again blogger for over 4 years. I recently went back to work in the home health care field and I love it. I am currently OUT of work...that is the Home Health care field for ya...but I am actively seeking new employment. I LOVE reality tv and I get my news from Chelsea Lately,The Soup and E News.I am a self-proclaimed DORK, dorks are cool...I am not...BUT I try.... I never act my age online, there is this thing about hiding behind a screen and keyboard which I adore...OH and I so ♥ the .dot.dot.dot.... I look forward to getting to know you all!


disclaimer: no offense meant to any other self proclaimed dorks around the world....you are cool, I am Not....






How I wound up at not one BUT two stripper clubs in one night is not the issue....just know I did and I am going to report like a true anchor would...just call me Katie Couric!


Let me just say I am almost 40 and have never been to a stripper club...Ima good girl and just never saw the draw.


It was early one evening, we had picked a table-a semi safe table away from the 3 stages BUT yet not in a dark corner either, the chairs were pleather bound seats and iron backs and I had no issue bringing out my handi-wipes to give the seat a once over...just sayin(the girls walk around in thongs AND they sit in the chairs-so handi-wipes are a good thing to have in your purse)...we settled in and waited and waited and waited...the sign promised 'No Hassle' they weren't kiddin, since we were right by the bar Eric got our drinks


After I had cleaned my seat the first thing I said was...'we are going to HELL'...then I said...'DON'T LOOK' as a matter of fact I said that all night....I also said 'Oh she's cute...DON'T LOOK!' I also said OMGAWD this is NASTY-DON'T LOOK!!! There were nekkid girls here and there and everywhere...in nothing more than a g-string....I know I know...what did I expect? Maybe I expected them to come out on stage in clothes of some sort then take them off-not just come out nekkid, and maybe when they weren't on stage I am not sure why I thought this but I thought whilest they be a mingling with the crowd that they would have on at least some pasties to match their g-string...wanna know what else? I only saw one girl with fake boobs...for realsies and I saw A LOT of couples.


I had a cocktail or 30 and it was definitely a NO HASSLE club...wanna know how I know this? NO you don't(keep reading)...just know there is a BIG difference between Hassle and NO Hassle...


The second place was definitely more swanky with the round backed velvet comfy chairs(my handi-wipes did nothing but make me look like I had wet myself...from behind *sigh*) one big glitzy stage with a ginormous pole and the girls were of a different class? breed? I dunno what it was but they were different at this club. We were instantly greeted by a waitress wearing clothes who took our orders then about 1.2 seconds later the hassle started...a lovely lady came over wearing not much more than well nothing-okay her girlie bits N pieces were covered, she politely put her hand on my knee and proceeded to tell me ummm us how much fun the back rooms were....this is were I proceeded to tell her that this was my first time (okay 2nd) in a stripper club and that we wouldn't be moving from our seats...BUT Thank you for the offer...I will say at least the young lady had the good sense to talk to ME and not put her hands on my hubby's knee, cuz I would have really hated to put my 6inch heel into her pretty little forehead...okay okay I don't wear heels BUT if I did well....


I had strategically picked out our table and chairs because it was close to the door...yanno quick get-away and all...So I am glancing around the room taking it all in, people watchin when I notice directly behind us in 2 separate corners 2 different lap dances going on...I mean my jaw dropped to the floor...again, I know, what did I expect...well since they have private rooms I think I expected that sort of thing to happen in those rooms...


At this point I am curious as to why people come to strip clubs....no sense in asking Eric-he'd just chalk it up to my bucket list...so I did the unthinkable...according to Eric...I started interviewing talking to people-he was mortified...I was ...well....in my comfort zone....I mean this would make for good blog fodder....


I talked to the two guys who just had a party on their laps and promised I would not use names...One was married and there without his wife the other guy was there with a group of friends. The married guy tells me he comes for the view and he likes his views up close and personal...YIKES...the other guy basically says why not? He wasn't there to pick up women but rather to look at women and give them some of his hard earned cash...


I noticed a group of 3 people across the room 2 males and a female and I needed a female perspective...this is where I need to give you a bit of advice...ladies DO NOT leave your man unattended to go interview people for your blog while in a stripper club...just sayin...


The female was married and preggers and there with her hubby and his friend...I ask her, why a stripper club and she tells me it is a fun night out, that you can hear good music and still be able to carry on a conversation and that her man is coming home with her and that it really is no big deal...




After I am done interviewing I look around for  my hubs and he is MIA, I freak, my first thought OH.MY.GOSH.THEY.GOT.HIM.TIED.UP.IN.THE.BACK.ROOM.HE.IS.GONNA.GIVE.THEM.ALL.HIS.HARD.EARNED.CASH!!!! I check my cell phone and there is a text from him saying 'he is waiting for me in the car!'  YES HE LEFT ME....needless to say he won't be taking me back to a stripper club...


NO BIG DEAL? So I ask you is it a big deal? Have you ever been to a stripper club? If not would you consider going? Share...


X♥X♥
Mrs Bundy






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