As it turns out, housewives are like fingerprints.
No two are alike.
Out of the eight housewives who responded to my survey...
- The wives wanted to be a nurse, vet, teacher, photographer, flight attendant, business owner, archaeologist/fashion designer, and a senator. One of those actually achieved their goal.
- 88% will leave the house without makeup on. Please note that many of them require large sunglasses and strong prayers to not run into people they know.
- Where do these housewives shop? You'll find them at Kohl's, Old Navy, Maurice's, NY&Co, Ann Taylor, I.N.C., Anthropologie, & Athleta.
- Only 25% of their husbands are willing to wear the color pink.
- The list of shows they are ashamed to watch is long including: All of the Real Housewives shows, Big Brother, Survivor, Swamp People, Billy the Exterminator, Mob Wives, Sister Wives, Jerseylicious, True Blood, & Bachelor Pad.
- Did you know housewives hate knock-knock jokes? 25% responded with an orange joke. Most refused to admit they knew one. And then there's this: Knock, knock! Who's there? Madame. Madame who? Madame foot's stuck in the door.
- Here's the list of actresses these women can't stand: Kathy Griffin (x2), Roseann Barr, ALL of the Kardashians, Angelina Jolie (not to be confused with the also mentioned "Angelina WHORE-lee"), Lady Gaga (a.k.a. Lady Gag-Me-With-A-Spoon), Kristen Stewart (Twilight girl), & Nicole Kidman
And then I asked them to kiss and tell.
The question was "First Kiss. Real one. His Name. Your age. Where were you? Describe the experience in one word."
One housewife refused to answer as it was sure to embarrass her for life or longer.
The rest of them said...
- Chris. 13. His house (tsk,tsk). AWKWARD.
- Michael. 12. Hotel Room. BRACE-FACES.
- Andy. 7th Grade. Cascia Hall football game. EXHILARATING.
- Mike. 8th Grade. Friend's house. UNIMPRESSIVE.
- Damon. 13. Friend's backyard. BUTTERFLIES.
- Boy down the street. Teenager. (no further details?!)
- Dan. 15. Forestry Camp. WET.
Now we want you to answer that last one in the comments!
You remember the question, right?
~ Mrs. Priss
who wonders why a 12 year old was kissing boys in a hotel room...
My thanks to Mrs. Montgomery, Mrs. Sinclair, Mrs. Hart, Mrs. Murphy, Mrs. Fisher, Mrs. Mayhem, Mrs. Momma, & Mrs. Coco for responding to my survey!
If you want to be part of any future surveys, just send us an email to firstname.lastname@example.org.