Seems like every time I get out I'm in the middle of a Kenny Chesney video. There is a whole lot of weirdness going on out there.
And I love it.
Mrs. Albright, Mrs. Montgomery and I headed out with a gaggle of girlfriends to listen to one of our favorite bands and do a little boogie-ing. I won't lie and pretend I wasn't looking for something to report. As far as I am concerned, we found success.
Here's a little recap.
You just can't make this stuff up.
1. I learned that Mrs. Montgomery likes the macho, gangsta look. I personally thought the Beastie Boys pulled it off but it has been unpopular ever since. Before you go thinking a married woman was chasing down young men on the dance floor, don't. She was scoping out for a few of the single ladies with us.
2. I would like to personally thank the woman who followed me to the bathroom to ask my age. Because of the language barrier it took some time to figure out what she wanted. Alas, I am not up for entertaining her 20-something year old cousin who is coming to town soon.
3. If you have a stain on the crotch of your pants, please stand in front of the bathroom dryer until it goes away or go home and change. If you do not, you will be have a new name - Captain Peepants.
4. If you are a true friend, you will NOT abandon your girlfriend on the dance floor with Captain Peepants. It was a mass exodus. I turned around and they were running.
Joke is on them because they missed some of the best dance floor laughs, including #10 on the list.
5. I do not understand these youngsters and their dance floor grinding trains. It is wrong on so many levels.
Just say no.
6. The dance floor is a safety zone from all the wrongs in the world. No fighting, please. This is our happy place.
7. If I'm not at Chippendale's (and I'm never there), then I am not looking for a lap dance. Same goes for Mrs. Albright who was offered one and never given the chance to say, "No, thank you."
8. If you are 50+ -- you are to old to offer up that lap dance. I don't care how good you are at dancing or if you work out at the gym every day.
(Side note: that pillar by the dance floor is not a dancing pole)
9. I am in my 40s. Why, oh WHY, would any 20-something think I need his full attention? Just because I'm dancing doesn't make me a cougar. And he already noted the wedding ring. I've renamed Captain Peepants to YoYo. He goes away, but he kept returning.
10. If someone rubs their butt against yours on the dance floor, you should always turn around and see who it is. ALWAYS. Guess what, Peepants/YoYo? That wasn't me. It was gracious of you to thank me for it, though. If you had bothered to look, you would have seen a skinny 60-something white man shaking it for you.